When you decide she’s perfect, think again. Here’s 10 reasons why girls will be girls.
1. She’s never been the kind that checks up on you when you’re out. You’ll never catch her snooping around your phone on your way back from the loo. She trusts you 101%. She doesn’t ask when you cancel because of gym night. She even says you look hotter the next day.
TRUTH: He’s out tonight. He’s out tonight. Darn that passcode! Why does he lock his phone anyway?! Doesn’t he go only twice a week? Why does it feel like he goes to the gym every single day now! …Be cool. Let him think you care nothing for trivialities. You know you’ve got friends watching.
2. It’s past midnight and you’re not home. She doesn’t text or call. What an angel.
TRUTH: What the %#*&@?!?!?!! Who does he think he is?! …Calm down. Remember: you’re his girlfriend, not his mother. Only start yelling after he’s said “I do”. Who wants to marry a madwoman?
3. First date jitters. She worked all day so you don’t mind that she was a tad bit late. Awkward smiles. A faint brush of arm and hand. Interesting conversation. You can’t wait to get to know her more.
TRUTH: He’s recently single, plays basketball (so talk about that), he has a dog (you have one too!), he’s not much of a drinker (one latte, please), and photos on his Facebook show his sisters in neat flower dresses (darn, where’s that thing from Aunt Judy..oh I’m gonna be late).
4. There’s that guy that always hangs around her office. Good-looking. Touchy. Maybe you’re keeping an eye on him. Maybe.
TRUTH: Hey handsome, how’s the boyfriend? Stick around, my man’s ’round the corner. There’s nothing like keeping him on his toes.
5. They’ve broken up. She’s been silent all week. Is it really over for her?
TRUTH: Make him regret what he did. Pfffff. How you like waiting around now punk?! You’ll come crawling back in no time.
6. It’s the first time you’re meeting her family. She’s quiet, polite, and dares not show any affection. Totally unlike when you two are alone. She’s probably nervous and wants to make a good first impression.
TRUTH: He’s real conservative, mother. See how he’s just sitting there? I even let him wear that ugly shirt. Come on. This one’s really hot. He makes me look like Angelina Jolie when Brad left Jen.
7. You cheat on your girlfriend with her. She’s nothing like your lady and she gives you all the attention you need. Eyes swollen from last night, you finally decide to leave the already-dying relationship and perhaps ready to start a new one with her (only to find out she’s already fallen for someone else). Once you had two, now you have none.
TRUTH: Oh my gawd, when oh when will he ever leave her for me? It’s been months and I hate this feeling of being second place. Along comes Steve. And he’s already leaving his wife! Oh I’m in love. (I know, I can’t bear this kind, too)
8. The bill comes and she offers to split it. Really? No, I got it. Please, I insist, she says, it’s not like this is a date. Ouch! You feel that steak in the heart. It isn’t? And you’re left thinking all night if you’ll ever clear the friend zone.
TRUTH: That idiot really made me pay. Well at least that made him think I’m not interested. He’ll be in love by next week.
9. You’re starting to like her and she’s fun to be around. You hang out a lot but you’re not intending for things to be serious. You’ve gone out for coffee, seen a few flicks, even had dinner once. She’s cool.
TRUTH: He’s so awesome. I think I love him (*insert dreamy eyes here). But what does he mean by let’s just chill?! Are we together or are we not? I’m thinking two kids–a boy and a girl. But we must have our honeymoon years first.
10. I don’t want anything for my birthday. Really! You’re scared about this line. You’re thinking you won’t fall for it like “split-the-bill-Joe”. This is obviously a trick. So you surprise her with flowers and chocolates, take her out on a fancy dinner, and reserve exclusive movie tickets to those theaters with La-Z-Boys and bell service. You spend at least $500.
TRUTH: You almost disappointed me there. But well done, my man. Well done.
All characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.
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